Over the years, I have spoken with quite a few people on the topic of mindfulness and meditation. I’m disquieted upon discovering how many people carry an unnecessarily high degree of shame and misunderstanding around the topic of meditation.

I value meditation. I believe in the benefit it can provide. I have gained real value from the practice, and have others who I’ve witnessed gain extraordinary experiences of self-acceptance, spurring entire seasons of healthy development.

I’ve spent years trying to understand whether this shame or sense of failure is due more to simple personality differences (i.e. “meditation ain’t for everyone”), or whether it’s some obstacle that’s possible to overcome, providing passage for these frustrated fidgeters to gain what I and others insist is there awaiting them if they commit and engage in a healthy meditative practice.

This problem newcomers experience is not entirely of their own making. I believe this stifled experience in meditation is due in no small part to misunderstandings that arise when advocates of meditation oversell it, or (in a genuine spirit of helpfulness) hastily attempt to convey the benefits that absolutely do come to them through their own meditative practice.

I have noticed that this enthusiastic pitch, as well-intentioned as it undoubtedly is, most often brings about an outcome the seasoned proponent didn’t intend. Often the “hype pitch” causes new practitioners to expect something that either isn’t the core point of meditation — often confusing extraordinary claims with valuable (but more realistic) benefits — or distracting them to expect an immediacy in results that often only come eventually, after consistent practice and honing. “Should my mental chatter be quieting down at some point? Where are the epiphanies and massive insights? Why do all the worst thoughts or beliefs about myself boil over and burden me whenever I sit and try to focus my mind? Shouldn’t I feel like I’m floating or something?” I hear people asking these questions with a kind of deflated resignation, and I almost always hear a strong sense of personal defeat from the belief that these “failed meditators” (as they consider themselves) are alone in this outcome — broken and hopeless in the ways of mindful introspection.

If only I could help them see that these are the most common complaints I hear.

Imagine an athlete pitching their physically flaccid friends on a comprehensive, healthy exercise program. But instead of arming them with a realistic perspective of small but important milestones and accomplishments as they consistently attend to their physical wellbeing, they instead hype the muscle tone and slimming that often does happen, but not before they’ve invested a considerable effort and commitment, of course. When the excited, desperately out-of-shape newcomer goes to the gym, they’re first met with confusion at all the new tools and techniques which other gym-goers make look so easy. They experience distress over the lack of capability (especially compared to others around them). Eventually there’s a heap of soreness or even injury after this humiliated experience. These are the makings of misery for most who “try”.

To add insult to injury, they didn’t lose weight, slim down, or tone up. In fact, they feel like crap for weeks, and often weigh in even higher on the scale in the beginning stages. “If I wanted to gain weight, I could have done it without beating myself up at some stanky, salty gym”, they tell themselves. Overwhelm leads to abandonment. Abandonment leads to shame. Shame bolsters a determination to just ignore the problem rather than understanding where they may need a reframing to make the new lifestyle yield the results they truly do want.

“Oh well, there’s always next year’s New Year’s Resolution“. This comforts them when they succumb to the temptation of their favorite fattening flagellation.

This vicious cycle isn’t confined to physical health. It’s actually the exact same process which has unfolded among those who consider themselves “failed meditators”. It is clear to me how deeply it affects those who carry around an incomplete or warped view of what meditation is (and isn’t). This twisted perception of meditation is responsible for a substantial portion of the burden this topic tends to impose on those who are not finding health in the practice.

Does any of this sound familiar to your experience today, or perhaps a past experience which is now improving? Read on.

I’ve read a fair amount about meditation. I’ve listened to seasoned meditators speak of their experience, and their experience sounds strikingly similar to newcomers who complain that, “I just can’t meditate — my mind just won’t settle down”, or “I try to focus, but I end up feeling overwhelmed by negative emotions whenever I sit with myself.”

To be clear, the thing newcomers are experiencing here is not “not meditation”, nor is it “wrong meditation”. In fact, the experience which the most seasoned, respected meditators have reflects a more or less identical internal process as those expressing overwhelm.

So what’s the difference? Do these seasoned, committed meditators possess a superhuman, steely resolve enabling them to brush off this brutal punishment that just pummeled you like a freight train?

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I can say what I believe with a high degree of certainty: the difference between “good meditators” and the frustrated one is not the mental chatter (or lack thereof) going on inside their brain. It’s the label they’ve attached to it. It’s the judgment about it.

What many humans call bad, wrong, or frustrating, the mindful advocate has learned is natural, holistic, and a part of them. What the masses try to shut up, quiet down, or control, the meditator has learned to accept, love, and learn from. The thing newcomers judge as broken and unhealthy, mindful practitioners have embraced and allowed a deep relationship with this part of themselves which, perhaps unexpectedly, has led to deep and powerful healing inside them. If you are running from your inner self, you aren’t running from a broken mess inherited by a pitiful soul. You’re running from your best parts, your deepest self, and your greatest discoveries.

Meditators have learned to practice self-love and radical comfort in one’s own company. They’ve learned to love the mass of thoughts, emotions, and meaty parts sitting within their own skin. Doesn’t that sound kinda nice?

If you absolutely must insist on framing any of your thoughts as an illness, then please realize that if the incessant chatter of the mind is like a headache, then the belief that the mind needs to be forced silent is the malignant brain tumor triggering the headache.

The idea that thoughts — any thoughts — are your problem; this idea is toxic. This is one of the most odious rots that can fester to feed a vicious cycle of shame and self-deprivation. You’ve been taught your entire life that you are broken or twisted. You’ve been trained to believe this without question. It’s wrong.

Welcome all thoughts, validate all curiosities, endeavor to enjoy all experiences, and you’ll get closer to wellness this way than by believing you are bad if you don’t aggressively resist, silence, or shun some loud or boisterous part of yourself.

Open the door to the noise, and it will most likely become beautiful like music. If you’re kind and calm enough, it will invite its good friend, Satisfied Silence, to join you once it finds a comfortable and safe place in your presence.

MY PERSONAL CHALLENGE TO YOU

What if, for just one week, you tended to every thought, idea, sensation, or feeling inside you as if it were coming from a wise, good, healthy, insightful, or even brilliant friend? Would you beam like a child who is being publicly praised for her fiftieth crayola project, thrilled to be validated even if it isn’t a piece befitting the space next to the Mona Lisa at the Louvre in France? Would your inner child feel proud to have helped a stranger by sharing his Lunchable with the new kid who just realized he forgot his lunch money at home? Would you feel a sense of relief that somebody is there to hear how troubled you felt by some dark or terrible thought, if even just to have space to really understand whether it’s driven more from honest curiosity or deep, untended pain?

Give yourself a gift nobody else can give: love yourself for all the parts that make you “you”. Forget the idea, just for a week, that you’re wrong for being the way you are, and learn to listen and love all that flows. Just a week. Then check in and see what this has taught you. If it’s terrible, you can tell me how wrong I am.

But if it’s wonderful, this is something you deserve to experience. I’ve experienced the kindness of loving every part of myself — simple, complex, foolish, or fantastic. Will you join me?

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What would happen if tomorrow morning you woke up to find yourself having zero judgments — none whatsoever — about you, the universe, or anything in it (including other living beings)?

What modern or ancient dangers lurk for someone who has no awareness of the need to avoid them? What if you had no reason to be mindful with things as benign-looking as crossing the street or getting too close to a rattlesnake, diving into a deep and expansive body of water, or drinking a toxic substance like Drano from a bottle? Which judgments bring us more safety or benefit from heeding them rather than being ignorant to them? Which judgments, if absent, would result in almost certain pain, suffering, or death?

In that same vein, which judgments, if shed, would reveal entirely wonderful or stunning realizations or experiences? Which judgments keep us back from really potent opportunities to connect with ourselves and others, or imprison us, keeping us from gaining life experiences which almost universally benefit those who embrace them? What new beauties would we find, which experiences might we finally enjoy, what people or groups would brighten our lives?

We are all looking for those things which provide safety from pain or, alternatively, opportunities for pleasure. Keeping track of this data takes up a healthy portion of our memory. But have you ever wondered what happens if we re-examine the objects in that virtual rolodex of “dos” and “don’ts”? Daryl Davis did just that, and may be able to shed some light on what is possible when we deeply challenge existing cultural and personal belief or certainty.

You see, Daryl decided to question the long-held judgments made by people inside or outside of his community. He even challenged the answers conjured up by his own mind about his place in the world around him, and why it often feels like a place of unwelcomeness for him. Rather than accept the answers, or even to imagine up personal answers for himself, he decided to revisit the question humans have long claimed certainty around: “How can you hate me when you don’t even know me?”

Many ask this question, and most often, the answers seem to be rooted in ethnocentric thinking: I hate you because you’re inferior; I mistreat you because you’re ignorant; I attack you because you’re evil; I avoid you because you’re dangerous; I criticize you because you’re wrong. But really, these answers can all trace their root back to one, simple expression: I am afraid of you because you’re not familiar — because you’re not enough like me. Few humans, it seems, stop to question the answers they’re given. His question was unique, perhaps only because it was asked more out of sincerity rather than sarcasm. I get the strong sense that Daryl wasn’t merely searching for a rhetorical question to accompany a pre-determined answer, as is so often the case.

I admire Daryl’s courage and humility in refusing to assume that he knew what motivated someone he knew little or nothing about. Rather than returning the favor of judgment and ignorance, he entered into a potentially treacherous relationship with humility and grace. Above all, he allowed himself to trust and nurture his deeper curiosity and wonder, and out of that came this incredible result of two willing men discovering their own humanity where they least expected it.

What would happen if we all laid down our judgment — shed outside opinion — long enough to at least understand, and know “the truth” about something foreign for ourselves? If Daryl’s experience is any indication, then the answer is more vibrant and enlightening than most of us might believe.

Thank you Daryl. I have something better to aim for in my own character because of you.

Anyone familiar with conversations about meditation (at least in a western society like the United States) will know how common it is for the topic of “a quiet mind” or “a still mind” to come up. This is so prevalent in the discussion about meditation, in fact, that it has emerged as one of the primary objections to or criticisms of meditation by those who have reached for and failed to grasp such prized benefits which are often touted as a surefire reward of the practices.

And this is unfortunate, because for all the benefits that meditation or mindfulness might provide, a growing group of people are deeply inclined to dismiss or even refuse to engage in meditative practice because they have been sold strong or even outlandish misrepresentations of the practice. These claims are often made for no other reason than simply to win this potential meditator as an adherent to regular practice.

This is a primary shortcoming of ethnocentricity, wherein a tribe attempts to convert non-practitioners to the tribe’s traditions, usually by attempting to oversell the group’s benefits and refute diverse (alternate) practices or perspectives at almost any cost. Having someone pick up meditation if it doesn’t serve them is bad for them, but it’s bad for those who derive genuine objective value from the practice. This fact doesn’t go away if the reason for their initially negative experience is due to judgment, misconception, resistance, or some other personal influence. This choice to present hyperbolic claims as though they are easy pickings for newcomers imposes too high of a “minimum expectation” for achievement in the group’s practices or values, and essentially cuts too many people off from the more subtle (but perhaps more attainable) benefits of the practice. With high distress levels worldwide, overlooking the simple, accessible benefits of novice practice is a foolish act of “jumping ahead”.

All this is to say, I think the idea of a quiet mind might be a misdirect, overstatement, or even outlandish promise of meditation’s benefits in the first place. I imagine this promise is driven as much from a desperate attempt to validate meditation in some big way as it is to get someone to “just try it out” so they can experience the very real, very beneficial, very needed (albeit less lavish) benefits. I’m not claiming a mind can’t be quieted, or that a soul can’t be stilled in a peaceful and healthy way. But these are the byproduct, not the goal. They’re the fruit, not the work. And many seasoned practitioners would argue that some nirvanic sense of bliss isn’t even the most abundant or valuable benefit meditation has to offer.

The truth is, most humans today are stressed, anxious, or depressed (if not a combination of all three). A subset of humans are at their breaking point. If the threshold for crossing that dangerous threshold is, let’s imagine, 50.1% presence of some combo of anxiety/depression/stress in their regular daily experience, then there are enough people at 48%, 49%, or even 50% who are moments away from having a potentially tragic experience. If anyone needs a miracle, it’s these people. But offering an empty promise doesn’t help — it risks immense damage. Feeding them “white lie false hopes just so they’ll try something that could help them out eventually is not only irresponsible, it’s unkind. I recognize the impulse for making the invitation or promise in the first place likely comes from an entirely loving, kind, or concerned place. This is what makes it an especially unfortunate engagement. If our aim is to help, it is our responsibility to inform ourselves about what helps, rather than help in ways that feel intuitive or rewarding even while they harm.

But more importantly, someone at or near their breaking point doesn’t need grand promises or lofty goals. They, in fact, likely stand to benefit much more from a regular, recurring conversation about ways they can make small and steady improvements to their situation rather than one big “whammy” solution. Put another way, if we stick with the facts, let them know what meditation is, how to get started, and draw their attention to the smaller, more immediately available, but more evidence-based benefits proven to come out of consistent practice, we stand a chance of giving them a rope they can grab onto rather than a pole they can’t even get their arms around, so to speak.

We all want to climb out of our own proverbial holes, and we all want to know there’s help there, if and when we get in a pickle — in that order. Leading someone desperate, who is feeling debilitating anxiety, to believe that they can eliminate their anxiety almost completely with a few simple meditations (or a lifetime of it) is not backed by evidence, nor is it kind.

Alternatively, letting someone who is struggling with anxiety know that meditation has been shown to reduce stress hormones, positively effect blood pressure, improve outlook, and potentially help sleep patterns — being careful to communicate that these improvements usually begin small and compound over time — gives them a reasonable expectation that if they invest in healthier patterns, they may find a small amount of relief from the practice immediately, with further relief increasing over time. It may only move them from a 49% stress load to a 47% stress load in the short term, but that small walk back from the edge of catastrophe could make all the difference for their long-term pathway to wellness.

Do you expect to be “cured” by meditation? That, my friend, does not seem to be the point of meditation. The major primary benefit I’ve found from meditation is the opportunity to ask if I’m broken in the first place.

“A quiet mind” is an idea rooted in the claim that the mind is broken. Perhaps it simply has never felt heard. Will you accept the invitation to change that dynamic with yourself, for yourself?

Sit with yourself in meditation today, and see if your mind doesn’t become easier to sit with, or quieter from a deeper sense of satisfaction from finally being listened to and heard.

Humans are organizers. There’s evidence that our species has been doing it for as long as we have a recorded history. We may have begun this process by keeping nuts and berries in nooks and crannies, eventually engineering totes and pots for our tools and trinkets — but over hundreds of thousands of years it has evolved into a full-fledged never-ending process of sorting, labeling, judging, and acting on these judgments about everything. We’re so adept at this process that we often do it without being aware of it. It’s as disconnected from our daily consciousness as breathing. And just as we can gain significant benefits by paying attention to our breath (even for a few moments daily), there are profound opportunities for those who develop a more deliberate awareness of their own personal practice of judging.

You know that strange sensation that can sometimes arise when we start thinking about our own breathing (strange, because we rarely pay any attention to it)? That same infrequency of attention accompanies most of the judgments we make. We judge almost non-stop, but rarely do we pay attention when it’s happened or consider it’s impact. We judge the thing occupying our attention in this moment, and promptly forget about it when another thing pushes it aside. But the judgment remains, as does the praise or condemnation that will likely accompany any future interaction with that thing. In a phrase,

Labels are hard to shake.

It would be difficult to argue that the act of judgment and categorization are purposeless or lacking any benefit to our species. Critical thinking has empowered us to better explore and subsequently make sense of ourselves and the universe around us. While the vast majority of daily judgments are woefully misinformed and lead to potentially problematic ends, judgment isn’t the problem, per se. And in the same way that it sometimes feels strange noticing our own breath, becoming mindful of the judgments we are making from moment to moment may feel awkward at first, especially if this is a new idea to you.

That’s why I like this video. It reveals, with surgical precision, the tsunami of nuance that can easily arise when we stop to examine the labels we apply — labels which we rarely have any logical reason for gratuitously applying to almost everything in our lives.

This video has been a helpful catalyst for raising crucial questions in my own day-to-day experience. Here are a few examples of those questions:

• What/who do I judge?
• What process do I employ when I judge?
• What influences (or who’s perceived authority) do I allow to persuade my judgment?
• Is this pattern of judgment something I’ve chosen, or did I simply inherit it from the culture/society around me?
• Is the thing I am judging good, or do I just choose to label it as good?
• Is this thing bad, or am I choosing to ignore/undervalue the benefit that surely exists if I simply judge it differently?
• Am I operating in “black and white” thinking, or have I made space to consider more diverse perspectives than my own?
• Does anyone get the opposite effect from this idea/place/person/thing than I do? If so, is it due more to personal subjectivity or objective reality?

Check out the video above, and see if practicing mindfulness while re-assessing the judgments you’ve made might provide value to you. Will developing a new process of mindfully judging future experiences in your life simplify and improve your daily experience?

What do you think? Can you think back on any time in your own life when you’ve re-assessed old judgments and come up with more informed or diverse perspectives? Can you identify any challenges you feel this process might pose?

It’s April here in America, and we’re jumping aboard Indie Support Week, the brain child of John Sundell (original tweet found here). Great idea, John! These apps are created by indie developers like us, and by downloading, sharing, rating, or paying for additional features in their apps, you are helping to support development of great apps, games, and tools. Join us as we celebrate a few from the list. Be sure to catch our special bonus at the end of this post for the first few readers who act fast.

To kick it off, I’d like to talk about my favorite pick so far:

SECRET SIGNS

Secret signs is a fun little gem that is both simple and beautiful. It was picked as Apple’s Game of the Day, and I’m not surprised. If you’re looking for a chance to practice mindful attentiveness with a soothing game experience, look no further.

Brain puzzlers are some of my very favorites (Limbo, Lifeline, Blackbar, Letterpress are some of my favorites. Hey, look! I love apps that start with “L” apparently!). This game easily belongs among those others, and has provided a welcome repose from endless coronavirus news updates. Best of all, each puzzle provides a little factoid once solved, a decadent butter-cream frosting on an already delightful cake.

Download the app from the iOS App Store as well as the Google Play Store. It includes 6 free puzzles, and you can access 18 more puzzles via in-app purchase for $1.99. Well done, Wouter!

MINDFUL AFFIRMATIONS

Joan Cardona, from Barcelona (say that out loud, it’s really fun!) created this nifty little app that fills your emotional cup with teaspoon-sized servings of positivity.

Before you decide this sounds too woo-woo or frou-frou for you, listen up. I, too, was dubious about the app while installing and signing up. After walking through the short setup process, I decided to give Steps Towards Daily Happiness a shot (in the Everyday Joy section). Despite my initial skepticism, I was feeling a marked shift in my internal weather patterns by the 4th affirmation. In this one there were a total of 19 short one-sentence affirmations which loop, and I can only see these helping most folks’ psychological state. The female voice sported a likable (and mild) European accent. The background music added a nice touch, tying the short individual affirmations together.

This app takes a simple idea and does it right. Download it and give it a try. If you decide you want the full library, you can do so for a small monthly or annual subscription rate. Mindful Affirmations is available for free from the iOS App Store.

SIMPLE RECIPES

Simple Recipes is a Mac, iOS, and tvOS app which is currently in beta. It allows you to add recipes, organize ingredient and shopping lists, find meal ideas, and create meal plans right on your devices.

The app looks clean and well-designed, and easy to use — but don’t let the ease and good design fool you. For those who want to geek out a bit, you can use Markup to spruce up your recipes with links, images, and formatting to keep it all clean and readable. If that all sounds too complex for you, stick with simple formatting and let the app organize things for you. I’m a big believer in nutritious home-cooked meals. With the way things have been the last few months, this has become a higher priority than ever. Having a way to organize meals as well as shopping lists for reduced trips outside the house has become a key piece of our “hunker down” plan.

This app looks like a tool that will help that process run even more smoothly. Simple Recipes is currently in beta, and you can request beta access on their website: simplerecipes.com.

CONGRATS, YOU MADE IT! HAVE A PRIZE!

While we think all three apps listed here are worth your attention, there’s one that delighted us with its simple, fun (affordable!) gameplay. You guessed it, Secret Signs is our top pick today. To help support Wouter Walmink (the creator of Secret Signs), we’ve decided to give away 50 in-app purchases of the Secret Signs app. Since Apple hasn’t yet enabled gifting of In-App purchases, here’s how it will work:

1. Download Secret Signs from the iOS App Store or from the Google Play Store.
2. Launch the game. Once you’re on the riddle screen, mash the blue “Unlock all riddles” button.
3. When the charge hits your account, follow the instructions to find the purchases in your Apple App Store or Google Play Store purchase history.
4. Take a screenshot of both the app download and in-app purchase made after April 2, 2020 (feel free to hide/erase any non-related info or purchases).
5. Forward the screenshot(s) to hey@skytripping.com, and we will issue a digital Cash payment in the US, or a Paypal payment for international readers. (Please note that it is your responsibility to ensure you can receive Cash or Paypal payments).
6. That’s it. We will send reimbursement to the first 50 requests we get. Be sure to support Wouter by giving Secret Signs a positive rating/review in the App Store once you download it.

Good luck and stay safe out there! Remember your social distancing and stay home as much as possible!